The Past Has No GRIP on me!

I have always been a burden carrier, people come to me with their problems and things that they need advice on and I always reach out to support them to the best I can. I find though that I start to feel the pain and worries and confusion that they feel and it just ends up causing my mind, body, and soul to ache for them.

God shouts at me "IT IS MINE TO TAKE!" heck thats why he died on the cross to take our penalty, to take our shame, to take our burdens but I still struggle with completely surrendering them to him. Why do I feel like its my burden to take? Why do I feel like I need to rescue people?

God has wiped your and my slate clean. It was stained with our transgressions but he bleached it for us. The past has no grip on us. The things you and I have done should not continually be eating away at us alive. Sure we can regret the things we've done but we should not let it become another heavy burden to carry.

Ever felt like you had a weight tied to your feet, sinking slowly, gasping for air and reaching for the top but getting deeper and deeper until you feel like it is impossible to get out?

Thats what I feel like when I try to handle things on my own without God's help, like I'm trying so hard to get somewhere I can't.

I held anger for my parents for a long time, hate so deep in my heart that it was barely recognizable. I hated them for controlling me and hurting me so much. Then God showed me the hurt that was stored in their past. The things that their parents had said or done to influence the way that they treated me. He showed me that they hadn't let these things go and that they were still fighting battles within themselves. They are trying to do things on their own but its not working!! I want so badly for them to know that God will heal up these wounds of regret and burdens of their history, hes already paid the price for them. That he will renew them and fill their lives with joy and happiness again, ones that I'm not sure they've ever experienced.

I feel so helpless though. I see the solution so clearly but can only encourage them to seek God for help and be a witness of Gods power. I can't fix it for them! it kills me! I want them to experience the full freedom of Gods grace and forgiveness. I've forgiven them for everything and it has set me free. They have all this regret and anger devouring their souls and their lives, unfortunately I've learned to accept that it gets poured on me.

But I am willing to take this suffering if it means that they will be able to experience God's glory once again. I feel like I have been placed in this family to be a light on their pain. Forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others. It is so freakin hard to do. I know that it will be a process for them, that the kind of pain they have is not easily removed, but the first step is asking God for help and admitting that no matter how hard they try they CANNOT do it on their own.

I know he is working in their lives right now, I can tell just by the way my mom gets all teary when she reads my writing or how my dad is starting to encourage me like he never did before.

There is so much that God is doing that I cannot see. I trust though that even while it feels sometimes like things are just getting worse, they are in fact getting better and I just have to perservere through them.

Tess