Pain. There is never a shortage of it in my life. It is exhausting. Today I faced it head on and found myself hurting more deeply than I have allowed myself in a while. Ignoring my pain has never made it go away.

Just because I am a broken person does not mean I am spiritually weak or unstable. In fact I think it makes me beautiful, reflecting how God can heal and restore me in my broken-ness when I submit to Him.

I am ready to walk into this pain and stop denying it's existence. God please hold me close or else I'll fall to pieces.

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

Tess

I need a Faith.

The more I walk with Christ the harder it seems to get. It seems that as my faith grows there are many more challenges I am faced with that test my faith as if to make sure it will not falter when storms come.

God of course supplies me with what I need to get through the challenges. This teaches me to rely on Him for strength, but the way I see it my circumstances do not always change for the better becoming easier and more comfortable as I would like them to.

I am really struggling at my job right now. I get paid minimum wage to work my butt off in a stressful disorganized restaurant. I get treated like Crap * to say it lightly* but yet I feel the need to show my friends at work that I am set apart and have light by staying joyful and not letting these things bring me down.

I feel like a failure at doing this alot of the time. I leave work frustrated after almost every shift, with some sort of complaint in my mouth. I want to change but despite my efforts I fail.

The thing is..as long as I am trying on my own to be joyful and set apart its not gonna work. God is the one who supplies my joy and sets me apart. I need more faith to trust that despite my attempts to find another job (nothing yet) He has a purpose still for me at my current job. Please pray for me as it is very hard to stay patient and endure these hard circumstances and financial strains.

I need a faith that will trust in the unseen

I need a faith that will help me to believe

That my God will supply everything that I need

I need a faith that will prove He lives in me

Tess

One letter actually makes all the difference.

So my road test is October 27th.

I had my first driving lesson today and there is lots of stuff I still need to practice. Go figure.

The thing is...I am DESPERATE I mean DESPERATE to have the freedom that comes along with the one simple letter "N". I am sick of missing buses, being late, and not being able to do the things I want (including ministry) because they are too far away to bus to or would take a bajillion hours to get to via transit.

My point being, I NEED to pass my roadtest as it will take me another 2-3 months before I can take it again.

I know I have been asking for alot of prayer lately but its only because I believe that God does answer and is faithful when we call on him in truth and it aligns with His will.

So if your reading this right now please say a little prayer for me asking God to give me the skills and focus I need to do well on my roadtest and the time to practice.

Thanks!