I Have a New Blog! myheartsafterhis.blogspot.com

After Reading the Divine Mentor- A book I would suggest to everyone..

I have realized how slack I have been on my daily devotions.

Uninspired to journal due to my horrible handwriting and constant tendency to cross out rewrite, and white out over and over again,

I write most of the things God's been teaching me here.

Otherwise I often just read the bible as a normal book and don't deeply contemplate or keep any record of the Word and what the Spirit's speaking to me through it by writing it down.

Jeremiah 30:2 "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you."

Well friends. I'm gonna start a fresh. On this new blog I will use the Soap format to meditate on the Word daily. The ease of typing helps my thoughts to be written down almost as fast as they are flowing through my head.

I will continue to use this blog (a tess-timony to life) just as regularly as before. Though if you ever want to check out the things God is teaching me daily through my devotions feel free to take a look @ myheartsafterhis.blogspot.com.

If you aren't doing your devotions regularly and recording them in a journal or blog. I will ask you to take this challenge with me and help keep me accountable. I'm gonna need it!

Tess

It's not mine anyway.

Just the other day I was standing at the bus stop and God challenged me to do something.

I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to give up what I have been holding so close. What it appears I need the most right now...

"It's not yours" he told me. "I gave it to you in the first place. It's mine and I'm telling you to give it away."

"But..But.." I replied "You know that I need this right now. I have to use it for so many things."

Then I went off telling myself that I must be hearing wrong- that I must be making it up. In fact even now I can feel the doubt crouching up on me. My heart started pounding. As the time passed by his voice seemed to grow louder- until he was literally shouting-"Walk over there and give it away! How can you be selfish and keep it to yourself when I gave it to you in the first place!" Then the very own song I had written played itself over and over again in my mind. Ha!

I envisioned how I would do it in my mind. He was just lying there on the ground huddled up in a sleeping bag, I would walk over and hand it to him, wish him a Merry Christmas and then leave. The only problem was I just couldn't get my legs to move.

Then my mom called. As she was talking to me on the phone I grew desperate. The bus was almost here..I could see it coming down the street and I was stuck on the phone. "Wait one sec" I told her. I walked over there with all the strength I could muster and handed it to him. He looked up at me with shock written all over his face. I wished him a Merry Christmas and stood frozen at the bus stop, a little shocked as well, at what I had just done.

Gods voice spoke one more time "He needed it more than you. Although you do not know how he is going to use it I do, and that is why you need to trust me. You hold it so close as if I can't provide it again, as if you don't believe that I will deliver but your precious paper is insignificant in my eyes. It is not what gives you the clothes on your back, nor the home that you live, nor the family that you have, stop acting like its your security. Learn to be secure in only me. I give you everything you have."

Don't you think its kinda ironic that he taught me that those papers are not what keep me alive, yet he used my reluctant obedience to help keep that man alive? HaHa I think it is...yes God your a funny one. I also think its kinda funny that he is teaching me this lesson now, right around the most consumer friendly season of the year.

As I reflect on this experience I recall the story in Mark 12:41-43.

⁴¹Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴²But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,worth only a fraction of a penny.

⁴³Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."

That my friends is an example of someone who has learned to be secure in God for everything she had. It says she "put in everything-all she had to live on." That is a woman who trusted God with her life. She didn't put her security in pieces of paper or shiny metal, she placed her security in God. So today I want to challenge you.

Where does your security lie?

I know my security lately has definitely been lying in the wrong place..my bank account.

Think about it. And once you've thought about it think about ways that you can place your complete security in him this Christmas and bless others.

If that woman can trust God for everything-to even get through the next day-then I know the small measure of faith I have been given to trust him in this.

In the words of JJ Heller.

"You make life worth living

You make me want to start giving  

More and more away to you   

 It's not mine anyway" 

Merry Christmas!

Tess =)

If your reading this..

I miss you.

When boasting is not a sin..

This semester has been a tough one. I shed many tears, had many frustrating conversations with God, and at many times I felt like giving up. In this season of broken-ness I gained a new perspective on my identity. Even more of my weaknesses were revealed and a whole new bunch of convictions to strengthen them came along. It was a time of testing- I was constantly prodded with the simple question "Do you trust me?" whenever I was tempted to worry or stress or just stop trying. The circumstances always seemed so outright crappy and everytime I looked around I saw people who had life so much easier than I did at the time and envied it. Oh how I envied it. I tried not to- I asked God to keep teaching me these hard lessons and prayed dangerous prayers everyday that he would keep revealing to me the things I needed to deal with. Well he sure did- but sometimes I couldn't help but wish that things could be easier.

Reflecting on my semester and reading through old blog posts it is easy to see his strong hand breaking me, repairing me, and guiding me through the narrow gate this entire time. He taught me new things about loving others, loving him, and loving myself as he loves me that I thought I had already learned. I do not regret any of the hard lessons I learned, but am so very thankful for the "holy spirit surgery" I received. Even through the difficulties I endured that were not under my control, he taught me how to delight in him and find hope in dim looking situations.

I am realizing with every coming day just like Paul how very weak I am without God. The desperation for him to help me get through every day just keeps growing; He has the strength to carry me through, and I will boast of that. My God is loving and powerful and I need nothing else but him.
He chooses to lift us up in even the roughest points of our lives and in some way always uses it for GOOD- and that my friends is a cause for rejoicing!

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

Its all for your glory. I am nothing without you.

Tess

I think the answer is no..so why can't I just let it go..Oh lord if you want me too I'll let it go..

What lies have you been believing?

What lies have you been believing?

Dont give in to Satan’s decievin

He’ll destroy how you perceive

The perfect love that you’ve received

Your not good enough and you’ll never be

What was done in the past isn’t history

There’s no hope for this, nothing will change

If you’ve thought this through

And believe its true

Then Satan's getting his hold on you.

Ask yourself this

Where are you placing your identity?

In what people say about you

Or who they tell you to be?

What lies have you been believeing?

Dont give in to Satan’s decievin

He’ll destroy how you perceive

The perfect love that you’ve received.

Always remember that Satan is powerless when you have faith in God's total victory and purpose for your life and walk confidently in his truth.

James 4:8 Come near to God and he will Come near to you.

God I wish I could be completely honest and say that I have been putting you first in my life. The reality is I haven't. I have made my job and my school the top priority in my life- so much so that they have pretty much sucked out most of time- so I have little time left to give to you. I haven't been taking a sabbath, I havent been reading my bible regularly, and I have been too tired to spend each night before bed getting lost in conversation with you like I used too.

I know this financial burden is a big one, but I don't need to carry it. Rid me of this unbelieving spirit God. This unbelief that you will provide for my school- and this belief that I need to work as much as my body can possibly take to save up and pay it off. I'm getting weary and tired quickly.

Teach me to have more faith and trust.

The fighting hasn't really stopped...in fact its seems to get worse. In the Heart of the Artist Rory Noland said something that really stuck with me "Our ministry is the product of our relationship with Christ." I realized I'm letting Satan pull me as far away from God as he can with the lies that "God won't provide." "Nothing will ever change so just get used to it" "You will never find forgiveness." He is attacking my very relationship with God and ministry. My ministry at home where God has placed me for this time isn't making much of an impact because my relationship with God isn't in the place it should be right now...

I need to seek God first above all else and discipline myself to read his word on a daily basis. God help us to grow again into that deep connection we had over the summer. I want to know you more intimately than I have before.

Your daughter.

I am a warrior, ready to fight this battle.

No Satan I will not back down. I will not give up.

My God is Unshakable, Unchangeable, and Unstoppable and he is fighting with me,

and Nothing you can ever do will change that.

Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles. Psalm 119:50

When the sky fades to gray- your sun shines through as if to say- you'll get through another day

I'm sunny with a High
of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

Relient K says it so well. My problems seem so tiny in comparison to the Great things you have planned for me. Let your glory shine through the clouds and illuminate every dark place.

Tess