To all you fellow dreamers..

I just wrote this song. It's not finished yet but I already want to post it because I'm following and being followed by so many incredible dreamers. Be encouraged! P.s this is copyrighted so don't even think about it!

Verse 1:

Do you remember all the dreams you locked away
Thinking they were too big for you
You've made your God too small and
let the doubt creep in
He's greater than our fears and nothings too hard for him

Chorus:

God is capable of more than we can dream
God knows everything, we cannot hide from him
We shrink him to our size with every worry and fear
He is trustworthy and we can believe

Verse 2:

God made the stars and called them each by name
His power is stronger than the roughest ocean waves
He knows how many hairs are on your head
He's got a plan for you so don't forget


Tess

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me.

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Recently I have been feeling alot of lack of direction for my future or more a feeling that my dreams are unattainable with the reality I am faced with right now. How am I supposed to work hard towards something when I only have a vague idea what that something is and it seems so unlikely? To pursue music takes alot of hard work and guts since the industry is so competitive and the wage isn't very good and to really get going you need alot of things to fall into place simply by knowing people and opportunities presenting themselves.

Yesterday I lay on my bed and poured my heart out to God completely. I let tears fall from my face and frustration be heard in my words. I didn't receive a concrete answer like I was expecting, but more a realization that my dreams and plans had not yet been fully surrendered to God. For the past year I have held my dreams of traveling and ministering to youth through music very close. I know this because the possibility that they might not be in Gods plans was devastating to think about. Would you be able to give this up if I had something else in mind? Would you be content with me if these dreams of yours never came to pass? After wrestling long and hard deep in my heart with that question and finally answering yes I felt so free.

I realized that my worries about my future have filled my life with a lot of unnecessary anxiety and fear. Time was ticking and I had to get started! But where could I start? Aggghhh! The second I surrendered my plans to God my fears of time running out or of my dreams not happening disappeared. This was because I realized that God has me doing exactly what he has already planned me to do right now, I don't need to rush things or get frustrated with where I am at. His plans for me will ultimately come about. I need to live in faith that at the moment what I feel he wants me to do right now (Saving up and getting better at piano) is all I need to do in simple obedience and trust. Even if my future never leads where I envision it will, I will try to serve God in the opportunities and circumstances He provides every moment.

I'm letting go.

...But sometimes the best thing is to just be quiet and wait.

There are so many thoughts running through my head
So many questions I want to ask
I don't want to rush to conclusions
but the excitement is getting harder to contain
I'm not saying anything yet
I'm guarding my heart
This is something out of my control that I need to trust in.
Lord keep me level headed and my heart grounded.

Your daughter

No such thing as easy.

(I wrote this as a response to one of my friends posts but then realized that I should heed my own words as well. I thought I would share it with you to encourage you, but as you will soon see not in a feel-good, life is carefree sorta way.)

I know 2010 has been a hard year for you, as it has been for me as well. Through a series of events and tears in freedom session as well as a sermon on suffering which seemed to say the perfect thing at the perfect time I came to a realization.

My pursuit for happiness, comfort, and ease of life was exactly the root of all my negative thoughts and negative actions. What made me feel better was more important to me (as shown in my actions not my desires) than becoming better. It was a selfish thing that led me into all sorts of evils, probably the biggest one was my complaining.

The sermon was about how the mark of someone who has truly given their all to Jesus is someone willing to suffer. (Taking up your cross definitely does not imply a pain-free life) I realized that what I really wanted was to have life easy-I thought that if only did this or did that better for God my life would be free of pain.

But that is not it at all. Until I was willing to face the suffering that would inevitably become greater the more I gave my all to Jesus-I would not become what my heart truly desired-to be more like Him.

I know this does not seem like an encouraging thing at first, but I might add that your expectations of 2011 should include pain and trial and testing and the victory, joy, and true refinement that comes from them.

It will all be worth it.
Tess

P is for Persian.

Even though I am in Victoria BC I feel as if I am experiencing a different culture. My other dad is persian and most of what I have experienced in the past few days has been persian parties and mmm delicious persian food.

I definitely do appreciate the rich culture and some of its values but its also hard in some ways. When it comes to leisure time mostly they go from house to house visiting and eating and eating. It can be offensive if you keep to yourself or don't visit and don't eat the food they put on your plate-over and over and over.

The pushiness can be hard to adjust to as well as being one of the only ones at the party who doesn't speak Farsi.

I am looking forward to going to Iran though. I know I will probably be suffocated with tons of family who will want to see me but I think it would be an interesting experience.

Tess