I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me.

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Recently I have been feeling alot of lack of direction for my future or more a feeling that my dreams are unattainable with the reality I am faced with right now. How am I supposed to work hard towards something when I only have a vague idea what that something is and it seems so unlikely? To pursue music takes alot of hard work and guts since the industry is so competitive and the wage isn't very good and to really get going you need alot of things to fall into place simply by knowing people and opportunities presenting themselves.

Yesterday I lay on my bed and poured my heart out to God completely. I let tears fall from my face and frustration be heard in my words. I didn't receive a concrete answer like I was expecting, but more a realization that my dreams and plans had not yet been fully surrendered to God. For the past year I have held my dreams of traveling and ministering to youth through music very close. I know this because the possibility that they might not be in Gods plans was devastating to think about. Would you be able to give this up if I had something else in mind? Would you be content with me if these dreams of yours never came to pass? After wrestling long and hard deep in my heart with that question and finally answering yes I felt so free.

I realized that my worries about my future have filled my life with a lot of unnecessary anxiety and fear. Time was ticking and I had to get started! But where could I start? Aggghhh! The second I surrendered my plans to God my fears of time running out or of my dreams not happening disappeared. This was because I realized that God has me doing exactly what he has already planned me to do right now, I don't need to rush things or get frustrated with where I am at. His plans for me will ultimately come about. I need to live in faith that at the moment what I feel he wants me to do right now (Saving up and getting better at piano) is all I need to do in simple obedience and trust. Even if my future never leads where I envision it will, I will try to serve God in the opportunities and circumstances He provides every moment.

I'm letting go.