Procrastination coupled with Busyness says "I can never really fail if I never really give myself a chance to try."

I don't know why I do it, but I always fill my life to the maximum with activites. I know my times with God have suffered because of it. Even my blogs reflect a lack of activity.

I am a goal-seeker, an activist, a dreamer. I don't like to waste my time watching lots of movies or doing self-indulgent activities. I would rather be out there seeing the world, spending time with people, and doing ministry than sitting in front of a screen.

But yet..my relationship with God still is nowhere near what I would like it to be. I see now I have failed to realize in action, that my vision and strength and energy to go out and do work for God comes from the rest and time spent with him. I am inefficient in everything I do if I am not filled with the strength that comes from God.

I feel like my vision for my future has faded. And I know the main reason for this is because I haven't spent alot of time in silence and solitude and rest in God. Busyness does not equate fruitfulness. I cannot discover my calling and God's will for me if I am not spending time receiving wisdom from him.

I will tell you a story to help you understand. In this story there were two friends, John and Jason. Both of them worked at the same company and were vieing for the same raise and higher position.

John studied hard, he spent time reviewing the business strategies, developing a plan and preparing the skills required to do the job. Then he set out to do it.

Jason on the other hand was confident in his knowledge already, he barely studied but went out and started promoting himself to people and marketing his skills hoping that he could show his boss he could do the job.

If the boss were to look at both John and Jason-who would he give the job to?

Our answer should be John. John's work ethic showed his boss that he was serious about what he was about to do. He spent time in careful preparation so that he could do his job well. He didn't trust in what he knew and jump right into the situation like Jason did, which left lots of room for errors, but he made sure he had stored up the vision and character and skills required to do his job efficiently.

Looking at my life right now I would like to be like John, but my approach is more like Jasons.

Busyness is just one more way I can distract myself from the difficult work and diligent discipline required to achieve my goals. It is a form of procrastination.

In freedom session we learned that procrastination is a form of avoiding pain or difficulty by avoiding it and putting it off till later. Procrastination says "I am afraid of failure." Busyness says "I can do it on my own." Procrastination coupled with busyness says "I can never really fail if I never really give myself a chance to try."

Next semester my life needs to change. Busyness can no longer be an excuse for missing devotions or time spent with God. My future is not clear right now, but my eyes have not been focused in the right direction.

God has taught me alot this semester, some very hard lessons, but I have a feeling this one will be the toughest and most rewarding of them all.

Tess