God knows my desires better than I do.

Ever had a moment where God surprises you with just a little hint as to how he's working in your life? You just want to jump up and down with joy because you realize he has been working for your good even when it seems like he hasn't. Well, I had one of those moments the other day at work. You could probably tell by my smile.

I was bussing a table and moping to myself about the big financial burden I am trying to pay off on 8 dollars and hour. I started thinking about how much easier things would be if I could only serve and make more money. It started to dawn on me that I have been placing my faith and pursuit of happiness in the idea of making more money rather than trusting in God's purposes (once again). I am going to try to summarize the conversation God and I had directly afterwards.

"Tess what do you really want in life? What are the deepest desires of your heart?"
"To be like you Jesus in everything that I do."
"Do you really think that making more money is gonna lead you closer to that desire?"
"Uhh..No. I think it would actually make me be farther from being like you God."
"Why?"
"Because I would place my trust for happiness in money, I would give it the control over everything that I do. It would never be enough for me and I would end up being a greedy, prideful, and bitter person. "
"Is that what you want?"
"No God..but.."
"But what would shape you to become like me?"

Then it dawned on me. All the trials and tests and unfair circumstances I have been put through at Eastside Marios have actually led me closer to my deepest desires of being like Jesus and giving him glory. Gaining lots of money and being comfortable never would have. At Eastside Marios I have learned patience, how to perservere in suffering, how to place my finances in God's hand, how to become bolder in sharing my faith, how to cry out to him in my pain, and how to rejoice even in the difficult.

"You see daughter I only have good purposes in mind for you and I will fulfill every desire of your heart in my timing"
"Thank you God. I love you so much. Words can't even describe how great you are!"

This realization has given me new hope and trust. Even though things are still really hard and I can even feel the pain of everything I have gone through at this job fill my heart as I write I am glad that he has put me there. He has brought light out of my darkness and once again proved to me that he is indeed very Trustworthy.

John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Tess