At the end of the sermon he asked those of us who remember being called to reflect on the first time we were and to look at our lives now, asking the question, Am I walking in the calling I recieved?
I have never written down my calling story, I'm not sure why, probably because it was so much better to tell in person. But I am going to now. I want to remember it for years to come because it changed my life. Drastically.
I am going to start from Grade 11. This year was probably the toughest year for me in terms of walking away from God and surrendering to temptation. I experimented a bit with alcohol, swearing, going to party's, dancing dirty at school dances etc..yet I was still going to youth group at the time. In some way I felt that what I was doing was justified because my parents had protected and suppressed me for so long.
In my second semester English honours class I had an intimidating teacher who was very strongly against christianity. He would insult religion and especially christians ranting about how they were brainwashed into believing some fairytale in front of the class constantly. He would take verses out of the bible and twist their meaning saying that they were only stories and were not to be taken literally. I remember him saying that "those who fall away from their faith, usually fall the hardest." and thinking to myself that he was definitely a subject of his own words. Now this guy was a big blonde german professor with scary facial expressions and whole lot of brains, whenever he would beg someone to argue against him I was terrified. There was no way that I could ever speak without him humiliating me in front of the class. I remember going to the bathroom in the middle of one of his rants and crying my eyes out because I was so confused and offended by what he was saying. Everything inside of me yearned to be able to speak out and prove that this Jesus I believed in was not just a story, but I didn't know how.
My Grade 11 year was filled with a life's climaxes of hard times at home and the start of a process of discovering who I was, what I believed, and what I wanted to do with my life. I participated in a science-coop program where we had to do a 3 week practicum. I did mine at an animal hospital and left thinking that I wanted to be a veterinarian.
I entered the summer as a doubt-filled and confused Christian. Was this God I believed really real? or was he just a story like my teacher said? In the 6 weeks I spent working at Timberline ranch God proved himself to me over and over. I made a decision at the end of the summer to never live a lukewarm life for him ever again.
This decision changed everything. My Grade 12 year was spent growing in my relationship with God and learning how to live fully for him when I was surrounded by people who weren't. As my relationship with him grew I found the faith to share him with some friends and stay strong in the midst of temptation. After my graduation I thought I would go to Uvic sometime in the next year and study science. I applied for the school, paid the application fee and got accepted.
I went back to Timberline in the summer, this time to participate in the 11 week bursary funded program called S.W.A.T. My roomate was none other than Joleen Harder, a Pacificlife Bible College music program attendee. One night when we were talking about our schools it struck me that I had always had a desire to go to bible college. Her program sounded super cool and I thought about it, but didn't seriously consider it. yet. As the summer went on I kept feeling this call, this pull to go to her bible college. I'm sure you can see where this is going. So I asked God "If I'm supposed to go to this bible college then what am I supposed to study?" I mean I liked missions, I liked youth, and I liked music. It was hard to decide. On week 7 I left the camp to attend and sing at my aunt's wedding. After the reception and late into the evening this young woman who I did not know came up and complimented me. Even though she was terribly drunk, God was speaking to me through her. As she was telling me that I should pursue my singing and that I had an amazing gift God was telling me that he gave me that gift to bring him glory. I knew in that moment God wanted me to study music and that I was going to do it at Pacific Life Bible College.
What I didn't know was that it was what he wanted me to pursue with my life..but I'll get to that. So a few weeks go by once I'm back at camp and I'm still having a difficult time setting this decision in stone. It happened so quickly and my parents don't really have a clue. So I end up sending in the application for plbc a week before classes start and receiving an acceptance letter 3 days later.
After my parents said yes, (they were a bit surprised but agreed) the question wasn't am I going to this school? what I am studying? but became how am I going to pay for it? I found out that all my scholarships from highschool would work for Plbc except for the single biggest one from CoastCapital worth $2000. To CoastCapital, Plbc was not an accredited school. When my mom phoned in a second time to ask if they could make an exception something miraculous happened. The man in charge of delegating the scholarships was on a vacation to Italy and a woman was in his place. She thought I deserved the scholarship and said yes with a comment like "If the (other guy) comes back and says no, there is nothing he can do about it because I've already ok'd it." Now get a load of this. If that wasn't enough, all the scholarships I received, plus the half tuition my parents paid covered my whole first year almost to the dollar.
(I found out my second year that I was not eligible for student loans) so I probably wouldn't have been able to go to school if it hadn't been for God providing that scholarship.
My first year at Plbc was life-changing. I learned so many valuable lessons and grew in my relationship and knowledge of God so much. I realized that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that proclaiming God's truth through music and in ministry was something I wanted to do with my life. In the summer afterwards I did an internship down in Seattle for 11 weeks. I got to serve in all the different areas of the church and loved it. I remember asking God to confirm that I was where I was supposed to be once again but feeling like I wasn't getting an answer. A couple weeks before my internship ended I counselled at the Seattle district foursquare highschool camp. It was a life-changing week for my girls and for me that was filled with many tears and laughs and God-not-coincidences. I wanted to go to this Holy Spirit workshop since the beginning of the week but it conflicted with counsellor meetings. One day I was really struggling as I felt that I didn't get words or pictures or visions for people from God but wanted to. As I was praying with a friend the man who leads the workshop walked past and invited me to come help at his workshop. Now you gotta understand that all these things that I was struggling with were what people who helped at the workshop functioned in. I agreed reluctantly and went to the workshop the next day. As the leader, Matt, stood at the front asking those who wanted to experience more of the Holy Spirit to stand up I knew that I was one of them. During our prayers one of leaders who I had never met before in my life came up to and spoke words over me that I will never forget. At first he spoke words of worship and joy over me. He told me that I had a beautiful heart of true worship and an amazing joy that came from God. Then he told me that I was called to sing. I started bawling. There was no way in the world that he could have known that, it was absolutely from God. I hadn't sang at all in front of people earlier in the week and worship was always so loud that you couldn't hear anyone. I had never even seen this guys face before apart from this workshop. He continued telling me that he saw a vision of me singing in front of a huge crowd of people and wearing this huge amount of joy. Then as he went over to the next person the other leader (Matt) who hadn't overheard any of his words over me came up and told me that I was supposed to sing a prophetic song right there in the middle of the workshop. I did it. Then Matt came over to me again and sent me to pray for this girl. I didn't even know her but yet as I was praying God was showing me all these things about her past, her home life, and lies that had been spoken over her. She was sobbing into my arms as I prayed for her. I remember feeling so alive and thankful that God had used me to speak to her his words of truth.
For the rest of the week God was giving me words and visions for people left right and center. It was scary stepping out in them because what if I had heard wrong? but everytime they were confirmed.
As I am writing this I realize how clearly God was working in my past to bring me to where I am now. Each of the circumstances I have been through has shaped my dreams today. I have dreams to give youth the tools to defend their faith. I have dreams to see Jesus heal broken hearts, communicate truth, and bring those wandering away from Jesus back to him through music. I have dreams to raise up uncompromising leaders who are passionate for Christ and so much more.
There is only a few more weeks left of my second year at Plbc. I am graduating soon and not sure where I am going afterwards. But I know this one thing. God's got an amazing call on my life. I need to hold onto the promises he has given me and not let myself get in the way anymore.
Tess
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