As I watched the Tour Team perform a skit in chapel today I was moved to tears. In one part of it a blindfolded woman and man, began fighting, imitating yelling and screaming in anger at each other. Off to the side was a girl crying; she said in broken-ness "Daddy why do I feel like Satan is taking control of my family?"
I couldn't hold back the tears- probably because I identified myself with that girl- I have known what that feels like to see my family ripping each other apart and feeling so helpless.
God's healed me from the pain of the past and I've been able to forgive my family, but there is still something inside of me that gets so defensive whenever I see and hear of such broken-ness within the families of those around me. I have big dreams for my future family- I guess I don't want my family to go through all the things that I have-I want to get it right you know- have a husband who is a strong spiritual leader and loving father- and be a mother who is compassionate, patient, and encouraging- I want to be completely unified with my husband in seeking God first, us to sharpen and pray with each other, and be radical in obedience to God in everything we do. I desire a family that serves God loyally to the end. I know its a great desire to have- and I think that it is one of the reasons why I have been able to be so controlled about saving myself completely for my future husband, because that future relationship I have with him and within our family is something extremely close to my heart.
I know that there will be many hardships and challenges in my future family- but I am working on myself and trying to become a more Christ-like person so when those challenges meet me face to face, I can handle them in love, and we will be able to get through them resting on the firm foundation of Christ. Satan attacks families so much because he knows how meaningful they are to God and to us.
My parents made mistakes. But just like God gives Grace, so will I. They are amazing people who love me unconditionally and I hope that more healing in our relationships will come. I value family and the relationship I will have with my future husband so so much.
God help me to grow to be more like you everyday. Teach me patience, gentleness, and peace especially right now. I want to be the most loving mother and wife for my future family as I can be. I pray in advance against any attacks the enemy would have on trying to break apart and pervert one of your greatest blessings on earth- family.
Tess
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