Two Peas in a Pod.

Marissa and Dave
Daniel and Christina
Christine and Tim
Melody and Jeremy
April and Peter
Matthew and Brittany
Tom and Bethany
Jaki and Topher
Adam and his fiance

These are just a few of the couples I know this year that have gotten engaged. Most of the proposals have occurred in the past three months. I knew the time would come when lots of people around me would get hitched; Its only begun!

It makes me wonder when I will meet him? what he will be like? like I have envisioned? If I will know right away or if it will take time? If its someone I already know?

I'm in no hurry, but my heart anticipates the day when I can give it away. I see all these pictures of couples deeply in love with each other and can't help but get excited for the day when the girl in those pictures is me.

Tess

2010 I'm taking a big leap!

The new year is here. 2010. I'm almost 20. No longer a teen.

I have many new years resolutions- each of which are not significantly difficult to achieve if I set my mind to them.

a.) NO late assignments next semester
b.) Learn piano and improve on guitar
c.) Do my devotions regularly
d.) Serve my family in gentleness and kindness

Nothing out of reach. Nothing too hard. Pretty easy right?
Thinking about this past year I am so grateful for the amazing things God has taught me and the awesome places he has taken me. I never imagined I would be sitting here writing this in Seattle, visiting american friends I met during my internship this summer. Heck I never even knew I would get to do a internship. I only got one more semester of Plbc left before I'm done. I'm getting a little scared because I have no clue what's gonna happen when I get out, leaving friends behind and welcoming whatever comes my way.

I know I have been called to ministry. It's in my heart. Its in my veins. I live to help others fall in love with Jesus just like I have. I know I have been called to music. I could sing for a long time without ever getting tired or bored of it. But man...I just feel like there is such a disconnect between where I'm at now and what I dream of in the future.

I know thats the part where God comes through though. He will be that bridge, that connection that I cannot build on my own. Have you seen the clip where Indiana Jones takes a leap of faith onto an invisible bridge to get to his friend on the other side? you know the one that they always show in church sermons. That's where I think I will be at when school ends. I will be standing on the edge asked to take one leap of faith at a time towards the dreams he has given me. He will be the bridge underneath to take me there.

I know I have been called to live a life different than most people. A radical one. A life where I am constantly asking God-where do I go? what do I do? and if you want me to pack up my bags and quit my job I will do it! I am called to live in radical faith.

Jesus please lead every step I take this year. I have no clue what's ahead but I trust that you've got something good planned.

Leaps of faith are scary but necessary in order to move forward sometimes. I'm getting ready for some big ones.

Tess

I Have a New Blog! myheartsafterhis.blogspot.com

After Reading the Divine Mentor- A book I would suggest to everyone..

I have realized how slack I have been on my daily devotions.

Uninspired to journal due to my horrible handwriting and constant tendency to cross out rewrite, and white out over and over again,

I write most of the things God's been teaching me here.

Otherwise I often just read the bible as a normal book and don't deeply contemplate or keep any record of the Word and what the Spirit's speaking to me through it by writing it down.

Jeremiah 30:2 "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you."

Well friends. I'm gonna start a fresh. On this new blog I will use the Soap format to meditate on the Word daily. The ease of typing helps my thoughts to be written down almost as fast as they are flowing through my head.

I will continue to use this blog (a tess-timony to life) just as regularly as before. Though if you ever want to check out the things God is teaching me daily through my devotions feel free to take a look @ myheartsafterhis.blogspot.com.

If you aren't doing your devotions regularly and recording them in a journal or blog. I will ask you to take this challenge with me and help keep me accountable. I'm gonna need it!

Tess

It's not mine anyway.

Just the other day I was standing at the bus stop and God challenged me to do something.

I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to give up what I have been holding so close. What it appears I need the most right now...

"It's not yours" he told me. "I gave it to you in the first place. It's mine and I'm telling you to give it away."

"But..But.." I replied "You know that I need this right now. I have to use it for so many things."

Then I went off telling myself that I must be hearing wrong- that I must be making it up. In fact even now I can feel the doubt crouching up on me. My heart started pounding. As the time passed by his voice seemed to grow louder- until he was literally shouting-"Walk over there and give it away! How can you be selfish and keep it to yourself when I gave it to you in the first place!" Then the very own song I had written played itself over and over again in my mind. Ha!

I envisioned how I would do it in my mind. He was just lying there on the ground huddled up in a sleeping bag, I would walk over and hand it to him, wish him a Merry Christmas and then leave. The only problem was I just couldn't get my legs to move.

Then my mom called. As she was talking to me on the phone I grew desperate. The bus was almost here..I could see it coming down the street and I was stuck on the phone. "Wait one sec" I told her. I walked over there with all the strength I could muster and handed it to him. He looked up at me with shock written all over his face. I wished him a Merry Christmas and stood frozen at the bus stop, a little shocked as well, at what I had just done.

Gods voice spoke one more time "He needed it more than you. Although you do not know how he is going to use it I do, and that is why you need to trust me. You hold it so close as if I can't provide it again, as if you don't believe that I will deliver but your precious paper is insignificant in my eyes. It is not what gives you the clothes on your back, nor the home that you live, nor the family that you have, stop acting like its your security. Learn to be secure in only me. I give you everything you have."

Don't you think its kinda ironic that he taught me that those papers are not what keep me alive, yet he used my reluctant obedience to help keep that man alive? HaHa I think it is...yes God your a funny one. I also think its kinda funny that he is teaching me this lesson now, right around the most consumer friendly season of the year.

As I reflect on this experience I recall the story in Mark 12:41-43.

⁴¹Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴²But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,worth only a fraction of a penny.

⁴³Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."

That my friends is an example of someone who has learned to be secure in God for everything she had. It says she "put in everything-all she had to live on." That is a woman who trusted God with her life. She didn't put her security in pieces of paper or shiny metal, she placed her security in God. So today I want to challenge you.

Where does your security lie?

I know my security lately has definitely been lying in the wrong place..my bank account.

Think about it. And once you've thought about it think about ways that you can place your complete security in him this Christmas and bless others.

If that woman can trust God for everything-to even get through the next day-then I know the small measure of faith I have been given to trust him in this.

In the words of JJ Heller.

"You make life worth living

You make me want to start giving  

More and more away to you   

 It's not mine anyway" 

Merry Christmas!

Tess =)

If your reading this..

I miss you.

When boasting is not a sin..

This semester has been a tough one. I shed many tears, had many frustrating conversations with God, and at many times I felt like giving up. In this season of broken-ness I gained a new perspective on my identity. Even more of my weaknesses were revealed and a whole new bunch of convictions to strengthen them came along. It was a time of testing- I was constantly prodded with the simple question "Do you trust me?" whenever I was tempted to worry or stress or just stop trying. The circumstances always seemed so outright crappy and everytime I looked around I saw people who had life so much easier than I did at the time and envied it. Oh how I envied it. I tried not to- I asked God to keep teaching me these hard lessons and prayed dangerous prayers everyday that he would keep revealing to me the things I needed to deal with. Well he sure did- but sometimes I couldn't help but wish that things could be easier.

Reflecting on my semester and reading through old blog posts it is easy to see his strong hand breaking me, repairing me, and guiding me through the narrow gate this entire time. He taught me new things about loving others, loving him, and loving myself as he loves me that I thought I had already learned. I do not regret any of the hard lessons I learned, but am so very thankful for the "holy spirit surgery" I received. Even through the difficulties I endured that were not under my control, he taught me how to delight in him and find hope in dim looking situations.

I am realizing with every coming day just like Paul how very weak I am without God. The desperation for him to help me get through every day just keeps growing; He has the strength to carry me through, and I will boast of that. My God is loving and powerful and I need nothing else but him.
He chooses to lift us up in even the roughest points of our lives and in some way always uses it for GOOD- and that my friends is a cause for rejoicing!

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

Its all for your glory. I am nothing without you.

Tess

I think the answer is no..so why can't I just let it go..Oh lord if you want me too I'll let it go..