Lighthouse Rescuer

My eyes are wide-open peering into this deep abyss of your love. Extending above the horizon is your tower that is unmoving. Nothing can wear it down. I cling to its firm foundation.

The lies of your enemy can not tear me down when I am soaked in your truth. The corrosion of the worlds changing tides beat down on me and I let go- pulled farther by each current. I am left vulnerable and insecure.

But still you stand. I know where to go. I cry for rescue- apart from you. Nothing to grab ahold of but the sharp ragged edges. Crashing against the rocks I wince in agony.

The lighthouse pulses but I am afraid. If I get too close will I be exposed.

Echoes of my cries reverberate into the distance- lost and gone- but I know you hear them.

Notes of sweet joy wash over my ears. I can hear you calling me to safety and warmth. NO! I stumble away- the dark caves swallow me.

You cannot- mustn't see me like this. Ignorant grief drips down my face darkening the surface of stones below.

Min, hours, seconds pass; Broken, Bruised and Ashamed I cannot deny you any longer.

I climb out of the opening- pursueing the light. You are closer than I thought. Stepping into the cold rushing depths I swim desperately toward you.

My wounds sting- salt pierces every open cut- cleansing me wholly.

My gaze fixes upon your illuminated smile.

I lose focus- sinking slowly my vision blurs. Panic overtakes me, Hope seems lost, but then I feel your arms wrap around me pulling us toward the surface.

Feet touching bottom, I gasp for air. You pull me out and kiss my forehead. Wrap a blanket around my shoulders- you knew I would come back to you. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak of a love greater than all my iniquities.

My inflictions are healed by your touch. I am aware of the scratches that used to marr my body- they no longer exist.

Peace floods my spirit. Joy cannot be contained. I take your hand. My rescuer, lead me towards the lighthouse, lead me home.

Peace that passes all understanding.

I have been praying for peace for awhile and my request has finally been granted. I cannot even begin to describe what I am feeling - overwhelming joy and thankfulness- I will dance and I will sing to be mad for my king - nothing Lord is hindering this passion in my soul!

Over the past month I've struggled with anxiety, letting my worries get the best of me. I followed Philippian 4: 6-7 almost every day and gave my requests to God each night before bed - asking him for direction and guidance. To be honest I felt like my prayers were hitting a wall and bouncing back. But he was listening the whole time, letting me go through a little agony so that I would be able to recognize his peace when he did choose to give it to me.

As I sat in my cramped up and (messy) dorm room on Saturday and prayed, I was overcome with the peace that I had been waiting for- for so long. The nagging gut feeling I had felt before was lifted off and in its place was a feeling of reassurance and peace. This peace has settled over my heart and my mind and it is not leaving. Although right now I do not know exactly what it is for, I can feel Gods approval over my life and will continue to wait on him.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Prince of Peace. Take me in- all of me. I choose to follow you and you alone. NOTHING can satisfy me but you. Thank you for making this heavy heart light.

Tess-timony ;)

Singleness is a Gift.

The Big V day is coming up! and you know what that means..

Stores filled with tasty chocolates, Red roses bought by the dozen to be mailed away, couples holding hands and tickling each other on the streets, billboards plastered with big red hearts and restaurants overflowing with bookings for 2.

Romance is in the air and PDA is everywhere!

I am single and to be honest..I have always been single. But I am ok with that. Many singles despise Valentines day. They watch other couples around them and envy. They complain about the sheer cheesiness and pointlessness of such a day and spend it wondering why they dont have anyone special to spend it with. Sure the media overemphasizes everything and makes fairytale romance seem like everyday reality but why do we have to view being single as a curse!

Singleness is a gift. In the words of Joshua Harris "God gives us singleness-a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning and service-and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we dont find the real beauty of singleness in pursueing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon."

Now I am not going to say that I don't desire to have someone to hold me, look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me for me, exactly just the way I am. I'm not going to say I dont desire to have someone to make my heart beat out of my chest and leave me breathless, someone I can laugh with and cry with and spend life serving God with. I do desire it..so much sometimes that it hurts..but I know that by waiting for who God wants for me..and not just giving my heart over to someone who I think will love me because I am too impatient..it will pay off ! The longer you wait for something the more passion and desire you store up for it and the better it is when you actually get it! If we didnt have to wait for it there'd be no anticipation, no build up, no excitement.

Instead of viewing Valentines day as a day only meant for couples to share their love I view it as a day when we can celebrate our love for one another. Love is not just for couples! I am going out for dinner with family on Valentines, and then coming back to my school to spend it with friends and I am so excited! I refuse to spend it wishing I could be someone else or with someone else.

Singleness is God's gift to me and to you. Dont curse it but cherish it! The day will come when you meet that person who is your other half.. but until then....Go out and Spread the LOVE!

Tessaroonie <3>

Friends I never knew I had..

When I was younger I could go away for weeks in the summer and rarely feel lonely- in fact I thrived when I was away from home in someplace new.

It seemed that in the 3 years I worked as a counselor at Timberline Ranch I always seemed to get the really homesick campers in my cabin - ones who would cry night after night despite all my attempts to console them (including letting them sleep in my bed with me). I learned how to be patient and comforting but could never quite understand what it felt like to miss my family that much.

I was a spirited child - I saw my life as that of a wild stallion - beautiful and free. If I felt held down at home, getting away from it was complete bliss. I did appreciate the home and family I had..but not enough.

Now that I am away from my parents and living on dorms, I am becoming more grateful for their dedication to me each and every day. I get to see them once a week on thurs, when I go back to Coquitlam to volunteer as a leader for MSY. Time spent with them is precious and I realize that there is so much about their lives that I still do not know.

But I want to know! I want to know what their goals and dreams and lives were like when they were young adults! The gift of their wisdom is sitting in front of me ready to open! Why havent I wanted to unwrap it before? because I have been selfish, wanting to figure out things my own way rather than asking them for help.

My mom drove me home from school on Thurs and I can honestly say that there was nowhere else I would have rather been than sitting in that car, stuck in 4:30 Surrey traffic, talking with her, asking her questions about her life, and taking everything in. After MSY that night I spontaneously took my Dad out for coffee. I dont know if I have ever spent hours just talking to him about life and seeking his advice before. I think I learned more about him in those 2 and half hours than in the past 2 months!

Getting to know my parents as friends is even more rewarding than I could have imagined. They have wisdom and insight that no friends my age can offer - plus they know me better than anyone =) what more could I ask for?

The more time I spend building relationship with my parents and learning from their experience, the more I look forward to seeing them when I get the opportunity. It is freakin awesome! I desire to know them so well that I will not look back when they pass away and regret taking time I could have spent getting to know them for granted.

I challenge you to spend time getting to know your parents better...Invest it wisely! Seek their advice and you will not only gain a greater relationship with them and valuable wisdom, you will also learn about yourself in the process! Parents are Gifts of Wisdom from God placed before us.

Proverbs 23:22 "Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

Unwrap them! and you just might be surprised ;)

Tessifer

Speechless.

Tongue Twisted and Tongue Tied I stand here..

wondering if the words I speak will come out right

Put down on paper they flow effortlessly

Typed into a keyboard they move quickly across the screen

But why oh why when I try to talk to you do they fumble and stutter

my heart racing against the walls of my chest

One smile and my mind empties

I feel bare and vulnerable

The words on my lips forgotten

But yet there is so much I want to say

So much I want to know

I ache with frustration

Taking a step UP.

A few months ago God spoke to me deeply about starting up a worship team for the middle school youth group I lead each thursday. It happened the day of the first kick off for the youth group.

He gave me an image of kids jumping and dancing with arms raised praising God, filled with a passion to shout out the name of the One who saved them. Right afterwards I hit my computer and put my vision down in words. I called it (A Vision, A Dream, A Plan of Action)..if you go to my notes on facebook you will find it.

At the time I had just started going to school..I knew nothing about worship leading nor could I play any instruments (unless you count my one chord strumming)! I was reluctant and didnt believe in myself enough to actually take the vision seriously. I had been a part of worship teams but leading one? you got to be kidding me!

I mean I was passionate about the idea but was I dedicated enough to take any ACTION?

A month later the idea was still constantly turning in my thoughts. I wanted to see this thing started but I didnt want to take the responsibility. I had wrote about it but was I actually going to put in the effort to make my words become a reality?

Yes I decided! I passed the idea around among other leaders and talked to the middle school pastor about it and they all agreed it was a great idea. I even mentioned it to a couple of kids I knew would be valuable to the team.

This was a big MISTAKE. Here was I getting everyone hyped up about it but not taking into consideration the time, effort, and energy I would need to put into it. When people would ask me about it I would tell them that things were still getting sorted out..which was half true..the part I forgot to mention was that right now I didnt really have time to sort things out.

Another month went by and the nagging gut feeling I had in my stomach did not go away..I knew that God had called me to this and I was selfishly denying it. I could not keep letting my own insecurities and worries get in the way of doing what I knew I needed to. Deep down I hoped that someone else could lead the team and I could just follow. I worried that the other leaders would not follow me because of my lack of ability to play guitar. I worried that there wouldnt be enough people to play on the team. I worried that I would fail.

But you know what! I would rather try than know that I had given up on God, given up on the vision, given up on the kids, given up on my pastor, and given up on myself. One of my favourite bible stories is in Matthew 14:28-32

8"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Peter took a great step of faith..if he hadnt stepped out of the boat he would have never been able to walk on water; as soon as he started doubting though, he began to sink. This is one of those steppin out of the boat moments for me- If I can have faith to lead this team, something that I have no ability to do on my own and dedicate myself to putting my full effort into it, I know God will work wonders.

I have set about to do it the right way this time. Over the past 2 months I have volunteered to learn sound on wed evenings..I have talked to many other worship leaders about how I should go about starting a team..and once I gained the knowledge to do this..I contacted those who had expressed interest in the team and gave a set date for when we would start practice.

The first practice was last night. I was discouraged at first but God gave me assurance. It went great =) and I am confident that things will continue to go well.
We have set practice times over the next month and are scheduled to start playing on the 19th.
Things are gonna be difficult- but "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."(Philippians 4:13)

Do something about things God calls you to and the visions he gives you! He wouldnt have given them to you unless he wanted you to turn them into reality! Dont let your insecurities and worries interfere..for who or what is greater than the one you follow..NO ONE and NOTHING! Take a Step UP.

Tessaling :D

Discipline: Acne Medication?

I wrote this post about a month ago and have finally finished it.

Discipline is something that has gained a negative meaning to most. When I hear the word discipline I think of the countless timeouts, spankings and groundings I went through as a kid, punishments which I grew to hate.

My parents would always say "We are disciplining you!" so I associated the consequence with the discipline and thus despised the word. I always saw punishment as a release of their anger. It felt like their spankings were full of contempt, it felt like it pleased them to see things taken away from me, it felt like the accusations and hurtful words were said before they thought about the damage they would do.

I viewed discipline as a weapon used by my parents to get what they wanted..in other words control! but control is very different than discipline and I think that the two words get mixed up.

What is discipline? It is correction! and to correct means to make right. When we do something wrong it feels good once its made right again. If its just left untouched then it begins to fester like a painful pimple. If its dealt with the wrong way, like popping a pimple (beg to differ with me but I think that putting medication on it is much better) then more of these problems or pimples will pop up (ouch!).

Humans are imperfect, sinful beings, so the discipline that they enforce is also imperfect sometimes. However this does not mean that we should disobey them or go against their authority.

As I was flipping through my bible today I came across a passage that talks about God's discipline.

What is God's discipline? It is loving correction.

Hebrews 12: 5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

He disciplines us to only lead us back to the right path..and on that path there is freedom!

By allowing him to discipline us it gives us freedom!

Ever heard the quote
"Some people think that freedom is the opposite of discipline, I would say that it's the result."

God is FREEDOM. You want that? Submit to his discipline first- however hard it will be. He will never give you more than you can handle. Be humble and praise him in all circumstances.

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

1Peter 5:6 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time."

Tess-tify ;)