My life is His.

I love learning about God, experiencing the life that He brings, and persevering in His purposes for me . There is nothing else or no-one else in the world I would rather wholly devote my life to. What about you?

My opinion on bloggers.

Is it just me? but it seems like those who blog are wise and opinionated. Opinionated in the good sense of the word, that they think about things and let them penetrate their hearts deeply until they build a opinion of some sort, usually apathy-free.

They are people whose thoughts and opinions need to be released in some form, if not through their mouths then through their fingers. I like bloggers :)

Destiny.

Hello Blog :) It's been a while since I've contributed to our relationship. I mean I go on to you to read other people's posts but never to write my own.

Well here I go..

This past semester has been, well difficult. I often read other peoples posts and think to myself, wow it seems like life is treating them well, I feel like I am treading a very rocky path in comparison.

I know that the future God has for me must not be easy. I am in a period of preparation for the even bigger hike ahead. His voice grew distant over the past few months, whether it was due to my own sin and distraction or if it was a test to see if I would trust him.

It made me grow desperate for Him. David writes in psalm 63

"O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."

My future seemed (and still does) so unclear and God hasn't given me any hints yet-despite my many questions. I don't know my future, and I don't know what I will do, where I will go, who He will use me to impact, and whether or not what I dream about doing will actually come to be. I do know this one thing though,

My God is BIG. Who am I to worry about little things in comparison to his wisdom, power, and strength to provide all I need and more. He knows whats best for me. As much as I repeat this over and over to myself-Do my actions prove that I believe it? Do your actions prove that you believe it?

I was watching Prince of Persia last night and one of the lines that really stood out to me as the theme of the movie was "You make your own Destiny". See this is what so much of the world believes, but when I take a close look at all of those who have tried to make their own destinies I usually see emptiness and pain. I can bet you anything that every single one of them carries burdens from past choices they've made. Clearly our way of doing things hasn't been working. I have seen countless people shattered from the consequences of their own decisions, decisions that initially were meant to bring happiness but didn't work out the way they thought they would. I believe that God has a plan to fill our lives with purpose and love. Like I said before, He knows whats best for us and wants what's best for us. As much as we think we know what's best for ourselves, I would beg to differ. God knows everything about each of us, our every desire, even the number of hairs on our head. He sees that which we don't always see, what we really need, not just what we want. If we follow His plan for our lives we will find joy that passes all understanding. It will always be a battle to want to make our own destiny and think we know whats best, but when we let go and let God lead us into the destiny He has already written for us, He will surprise us with fulfillment we never thought we could find.

If we can take just a moment and stand before God and admire this truth and who He is in all his greatness every single day, it will inspire our hearts to worship and live in the freedom that He meant for us to live in.

"Don't worry my child, I have it all taken care of. "

Pain. There is never a shortage of it in my life. It is exhausting. Today I faced it head on and found myself hurting more deeply than I have allowed myself in a while. Ignoring my pain has never made it go away.

Just because I am a broken person does not mean I am spiritually weak or unstable. In fact I think it makes me beautiful, reflecting how God can heal and restore me in my broken-ness when I submit to Him.

I am ready to walk into this pain and stop denying it's existence. God please hold me close or else I'll fall to pieces.

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

Tess

I need a Faith.

The more I walk with Christ the harder it seems to get. It seems that as my faith grows there are many more challenges I am faced with that test my faith as if to make sure it will not falter when storms come.

God of course supplies me with what I need to get through the challenges. This teaches me to rely on Him for strength, but the way I see it my circumstances do not always change for the better becoming easier and more comfortable as I would like them to.

I am really struggling at my job right now. I get paid minimum wage to work my butt off in a stressful disorganized restaurant. I get treated like Crap * to say it lightly* but yet I feel the need to show my friends at work that I am set apart and have light by staying joyful and not letting these things bring me down.

I feel like a failure at doing this alot of the time. I leave work frustrated after almost every shift, with some sort of complaint in my mouth. I want to change but despite my efforts I fail.

The thing is..as long as I am trying on my own to be joyful and set apart its not gonna work. God is the one who supplies my joy and sets me apart. I need more faith to trust that despite my attempts to find another job (nothing yet) He has a purpose still for me at my current job. Please pray for me as it is very hard to stay patient and endure these hard circumstances and financial strains.

I need a faith that will trust in the unseen

I need a faith that will help me to believe

That my God will supply everything that I need

I need a faith that will prove He lives in me

Tess

One letter actually makes all the difference.

So my road test is October 27th.

I had my first driving lesson today and there is lots of stuff I still need to practice. Go figure.

The thing is...I am DESPERATE I mean DESPERATE to have the freedom that comes along with the one simple letter "N". I am sick of missing buses, being late, and not being able to do the things I want (including ministry) because they are too far away to bus to or would take a bajillion hours to get to via transit.

My point being, I NEED to pass my roadtest as it will take me another 2-3 months before I can take it again.

I know I have been asking for alot of prayer lately but its only because I believe that God does answer and is faithful when we call on him in truth and it aligns with His will.

So if your reading this right now please say a little prayer for me asking God to give me the skills and focus I need to do well on my roadtest and the time to practice.

Thanks!

Thoughts on Community.

I haven't blogged in a while and right now I am just bursting at the seams with things I want to say. I was at Rock the River tonight with the youth group of CAC and it was alot of fun! But mostly because of the people I was with.

I knew so many people there that every twenty feet I would be greeted by someone who I had made memories with. I felt so loved and involved in the christian community of the Lower Mainland and a part of what God is doing in the area.

It got me thinking about the community and Christ-like relationships Jesus intended us to have. These kind of relationships are not surface level but go deeper on an emotional and spiritual level. The forgiveness and unconditional love that is expressed within these relationships sets them apart. God uses the Holy Spirit within our friends to speak to us and convict us and give us hope.

The love we have for one another is what sets us apart from the rest of the world and points straight to Jesus. There is no doubt about it that Christ-like relationships and Christ-centered community is important. Somehow though people have got themselves into thinking that their relationship with Jesus is only personal. That they don't need church or community to grow spiritually and that it is ok to just keep it to themself. They have themselves fooled; until they discover the importance of community within the Body of Christ they will miss out on a many wonderful opportunity to witness God working here on earth.