Speechless.

Tongue Twisted and Tongue Tied I stand here..

wondering if the words I speak will come out right

Put down on paper they flow effortlessly

Typed into a keyboard they move quickly across the screen

But why oh why when I try to talk to you do they fumble and stutter

my heart racing against the walls of my chest

One smile and my mind empties

I feel bare and vulnerable

The words on my lips forgotten

But yet there is so much I want to say

So much I want to know

I ache with frustration

Taking a step UP.

A few months ago God spoke to me deeply about starting up a worship team for the middle school youth group I lead each thursday. It happened the day of the first kick off for the youth group.

He gave me an image of kids jumping and dancing with arms raised praising God, filled with a passion to shout out the name of the One who saved them. Right afterwards I hit my computer and put my vision down in words. I called it (A Vision, A Dream, A Plan of Action)..if you go to my notes on facebook you will find it.

At the time I had just started going to school..I knew nothing about worship leading nor could I play any instruments (unless you count my one chord strumming)! I was reluctant and didnt believe in myself enough to actually take the vision seriously. I had been a part of worship teams but leading one? you got to be kidding me!

I mean I was passionate about the idea but was I dedicated enough to take any ACTION?

A month later the idea was still constantly turning in my thoughts. I wanted to see this thing started but I didnt want to take the responsibility. I had wrote about it but was I actually going to put in the effort to make my words become a reality?

Yes I decided! I passed the idea around among other leaders and talked to the middle school pastor about it and they all agreed it was a great idea. I even mentioned it to a couple of kids I knew would be valuable to the team.

This was a big MISTAKE. Here was I getting everyone hyped up about it but not taking into consideration the time, effort, and energy I would need to put into it. When people would ask me about it I would tell them that things were still getting sorted out..which was half true..the part I forgot to mention was that right now I didnt really have time to sort things out.

Another month went by and the nagging gut feeling I had in my stomach did not go away..I knew that God had called me to this and I was selfishly denying it. I could not keep letting my own insecurities and worries get in the way of doing what I knew I needed to. Deep down I hoped that someone else could lead the team and I could just follow. I worried that the other leaders would not follow me because of my lack of ability to play guitar. I worried that there wouldnt be enough people to play on the team. I worried that I would fail.

But you know what! I would rather try than know that I had given up on God, given up on the vision, given up on the kids, given up on my pastor, and given up on myself. One of my favourite bible stories is in Matthew 14:28-32

8"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Peter took a great step of faith..if he hadnt stepped out of the boat he would have never been able to walk on water; as soon as he started doubting though, he began to sink. This is one of those steppin out of the boat moments for me- If I can have faith to lead this team, something that I have no ability to do on my own and dedicate myself to putting my full effort into it, I know God will work wonders.

I have set about to do it the right way this time. Over the past 2 months I have volunteered to learn sound on wed evenings..I have talked to many other worship leaders about how I should go about starting a team..and once I gained the knowledge to do this..I contacted those who had expressed interest in the team and gave a set date for when we would start practice.

The first practice was last night. I was discouraged at first but God gave me assurance. It went great =) and I am confident that things will continue to go well.
We have set practice times over the next month and are scheduled to start playing on the 19th.
Things are gonna be difficult- but "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."(Philippians 4:13)

Do something about things God calls you to and the visions he gives you! He wouldnt have given them to you unless he wanted you to turn them into reality! Dont let your insecurities and worries interfere..for who or what is greater than the one you follow..NO ONE and NOTHING! Take a Step UP.

Tessaling :D

Discipline: Acne Medication?

I wrote this post about a month ago and have finally finished it.

Discipline is something that has gained a negative meaning to most. When I hear the word discipline I think of the countless timeouts, spankings and groundings I went through as a kid, punishments which I grew to hate.

My parents would always say "We are disciplining you!" so I associated the consequence with the discipline and thus despised the word. I always saw punishment as a release of their anger. It felt like their spankings were full of contempt, it felt like it pleased them to see things taken away from me, it felt like the accusations and hurtful words were said before they thought about the damage they would do.

I viewed discipline as a weapon used by my parents to get what they wanted..in other words control! but control is very different than discipline and I think that the two words get mixed up.

What is discipline? It is correction! and to correct means to make right. When we do something wrong it feels good once its made right again. If its just left untouched then it begins to fester like a painful pimple. If its dealt with the wrong way, like popping a pimple (beg to differ with me but I think that putting medication on it is much better) then more of these problems or pimples will pop up (ouch!).

Humans are imperfect, sinful beings, so the discipline that they enforce is also imperfect sometimes. However this does not mean that we should disobey them or go against their authority.

As I was flipping through my bible today I came across a passage that talks about God's discipline.

What is God's discipline? It is loving correction.

Hebrews 12: 5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

He disciplines us to only lead us back to the right path..and on that path there is freedom!

By allowing him to discipline us it gives us freedom!

Ever heard the quote
"Some people think that freedom is the opposite of discipline, I would say that it's the result."

God is FREEDOM. You want that? Submit to his discipline first- however hard it will be. He will never give you more than you can handle. Be humble and praise him in all circumstances.

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

1Peter 5:6 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time."

Tess-tify ;)

Turn around!

Dont give up..

Keep holding on Keep holding strong

Things will not always make sense

But you've got the best defense

Testify <3

PostSecret! Shhh

There is this website called postsecret...
It can make you laugh, cry and think hard all @ once
It has helped expose to me how broken this world really is
but it has also shown me how much hope exists as well..

So heres how it works. People paste their secrets on postcards and send them in. Then the good ones get picked to be put up on the website for people to see. Here are a few that I like!

PLBC Here I Come!

This is my first day as an official "dorm citizen" and let me tell you it is freakin awesome! I feel so at home here at Plbc, I got my Saviour, my comfy pants, friends who will be there for me at any time of the day, and of course my chocolate WHOPPERS.

The community is small so we all get to know each other super fast..as soon as I stepped in I felt welcome. Dorm life consists of deep discussions, smelly rooms, laughter 24/7, tons of junk food everywhere, many trips to timmys, nights spent entirely on homework, and so much more too obscure for adult ears.

The best part though is the passion for God felt in every smile, encouraging comment and hug (em's are the best). Most students top priority is to learn and grow closer to God and it is very rewarding to see him working in the lives of them as each day passes.

(I wanna yell) There is no one like our God! For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done on this campus!

Tessaroonie

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING

The author of this post has a serious case of dancing jitters, spontaneous singing outbursts, and crazy character imitations when low on sleep and high on caffeine.

Her roomate is a paparazzi, has a tendency to injure herself on strange objects, and can bust a move like no one else.

MUAHAHAHAH ;)

Looking Inside Ourselves....

Do you ever feel like everything is going great and you are so happy but deep down inside something isnt right..

But it is driving you crazy because you dont know what it is?

or maybe you do but you just dont want to admit it..

Psalm 139: 23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

God put this verse on my heart tonight. He wants me to reflect on who I am, who he wants me to be and desire to change in order to become that woman.

I want him to find any offensive ways in me and show me what they are and how I can fix them. I want him to look down on me and smile and be pleased with who I am becoming.

It is so easy for us Christians to criticize others and set ourselves on a higher pedestal than them because they have "committed this sin and we havent". No one is more "HOLY" than another. We have ALL sinned and disobeyed.

Romans 14: 1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

10You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.

11It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me;every tongue will confess to God.' "

12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

God wants us to look at our own errors, not at others. We should desire to please him in everything, even if it means we need to be broken first. If we see our brother stumbling we should help, encourage and forgive him.

I am working on this. When I find myself judging others I will ask the Lord to judge me. This is my prayer.

Reveal to me my weakness (for only you know everything about me), Help me to fix it (for I can do it through your strength), and Lead me in your way Everlasting (for only you know what is best for me).

Tess-timony